The Bachelor-Season 15: Episode 1 - The Cultute of Pop, DVD, Movie, TV, Pop Culture Review

The Bachelor-Season 15: Episode 1

Posted: Mon, 3 Jan 2011 22:48:35 PST

Slaps And Fangs And Wax, Oh, My!

     Okay, before I rush headlong into playing Bachelor anaylist for this week, let me say this: My fantasy of having a role playing experience with a girl cast as a vampire and me, the willing victim?

     Not anymore; I'm a day person....In other words, this Madison chick puts the creep in creep-out, I gotta tell ya'.

Now that I've gotten that off my unwaxed chest, how did you guys dig the season opener? First of all, let me get my major beef out of the way. One of the things I look forward to season in and season out are the mini-video packages devoted to each girl or guy. Last night appeared to be the usual roll call of contestants from town to town...and all of a sudden, limo time!  And I'm going, did somebody at ABC Master Control just screw up royally?

Quick! Somebody page (Diane) Sawyer! We need filler!

Nope, no screw up as just a handful of this season's beauties got their 30-60 seconds of fame...and some more than others (and I'll discuss them in just a bit).But in the end, I think the producers wisely shaved off the additional profiles in favor of an extensive look at where Brad has been emotionally in the last three years...and it was a good, refreshing change; very nice to see the show veering away from its comfort zone to try something different, although I did feel the Jenni-DeAnna surprise was a little sensational-esque in retrospect (but hey, it was a genuine surprise that wasn't ingrained into our brains 5,000 times like the infamous Slap(!) promo, so hats off to ABC's promotional department for not giving everything away).

     One would think Brad would be resting easier once he got out from his lengthy hot seat interview into the open air to greet his 30 dream boats, but good Lord; I haven't seen someone squirm so much since the opening night audience for the remake of "Gulliver's Travels" (sorry, Jack Black). Also, how much you wanna bet impromptu drinking games commenced across the country everytime Brad apologized? It was almost comical the longer the routine went on and on In fact, I almost expected an "A Fish Called Wanda" moment where poor Bradley would be hanging from a second floor window and forced to apologise there, too..

     Thankfully, most of the girls were beyond cordial, spirited and (thank God) normal..Well, except for Madison who might be need to seek out Dr. Drew in the weeks ahead depending on her storyline...But I digress.

     What made me extremely happy last night? With the exception of J. (who turned out to be kind of foregettable in the long run) is that Brad picked 9 out of my initial 10 picks to stay another week. Kind of makes me wished I had picked a top 20 to see if I could've (almost) matched Brad's...Maybe next year...

(Note: See my previous Bachelor entry with my pre-episode thoughts/picks here...)

So, some quick thoughts on my noteworthy 9 (clever, eh?)

Ashley S.-Charming from the get-go with an accent as Southern as gravy. Could be the Tenley of this season. Definitely one to watch.

Britt-Although extrodinarily beautiful, her initial impression on me? A little flat, but she really didn't get a lot of camera time...So, I'll give her an incomplete.

Chantal-Ah, our little slapper heard 'round the world (and guys, how many of you were turned on by that...come on...Be a Brad and own up to it...if he can admit it, so can you). Masochism aside, Chantal has a funky personality and I think she could be the dark horse of the group, but let's see what kind of exposure week 2 bringeth...

Emily-Some may be cynical and call her story manipulative, but I was beyond moved..and what an incredibly gracious, sweet personality. If I were Brad? It would've been, nice to meet you guys but, game over....Now, unless she reveals a dark side, Emily could be a shoo-in for the final rose.

Jackie-The artiste' whose bio I found fascinating left me a little underwhelmed a'la Britt, but I need to see more of her personality to fairly judge her.

Keltie-Just like my other two faves Emily and Ashley, I would be putty in her hands. Dancers are a turn on for me and from that limo exiting high kick to trying to get Brad into Fred Astaire mode (mission un-accomplished), what a charmer....and bonus points for her playing cheerleader to poor Renee (who never did get the one on one she wanted).

Marissa-See my notes for Britt and Jackie.

Michelle-Her picture and bio suggested a sweet, romantic girl. But this kitten looks to have claws and may wind up being the villainess of the season. My apologies for picking her if this comes to fact.

Stacey-Again, not enough exposure which is usually the problem in the early weeks of conmpetition shows like this. But I loved her accent. 

Now, what about the other11 women Bradster picked? Only a few really stood out to me: Sarah P., a cute, bubbly blonde who could be another dark horse to look out for...and the same could also apply to Melissa, aka the flying waitress who should thank her lucky stars Brad's arms didn't give out when she threw herself at him. But the remaining 9? Well, paraphrasing Randy "Teddy Ruxpin Vocabulary" Jackson of American Idol fame, I just wasn't feeling them, dude...and let's not go there as far as Allie's "junk in the trunk"...pardon me while I make a loser symbol on my forehead.

Most dissappointing departure?: Sarah L., the beautiful musical theater performer whose picture on the Bachelor/ABC website didn't do her justice...and she also gets my award for sexiest dress of the evening (two words, low and cut) in simple, basic black. Ah, sometimes guys just don't notice...but at the same time, she literally wound up as cutting room floor material, so who knows if her personality would have matched her looks and bio.

But you can always pick up the phone, Sarah, and satisfy my curiosity if you're reading.

Finally, my favorite moment of this first episode?: Brad's pointed (and welcome) question to Madison (our "Twilight" girl in training) inquiring if she was really serious about this experience. Talk about a telling moment that proves just how seriously he's taking the process on this go round...and I am more than anxious to keep going along for the ride on this guilty but oh so entertaining television pleasure..

Jeffrey Rosado is a pop culture historian, writer and performer.

Follow Jeff on Twitter: @marquee_man