Rosado's Recaps-American Idol - The Cultute of Pop, DVD, Movie, TV, Pop Culture Review

Rosado's Recaps-American Idol

Posted: Sun, 30 Jan 2011 4:50:43 PST

Season 10, Episode 4: Nashville, TN Auditions

Nashville Cats, been playin' since they was babies,

Nashville Cats, get work before they're two". -Nashville Cats, Lovin' Spoonful, 1966

Last night's American Idol was very special to me because of the fact that it took place in what I like to call my second home: Nashville, Tennessee, which is like a super sized version of my hometown of Huntsville, AL...only there's more to do (not a slam at Rocket City, USA; so no letters please...for like the old song says, “It's nice to go traveling, but so nice to come home”....and there's no place like home for me).

Before I rush headlong into recapping Episode 4, I gotta pull out a trio of moments from the Milwaukee auditions show that literally made me laugh out loud.. 

-Steven Tyler doing a wicked parody of the Aerosmith classic Sweet Emotion with Randy providing a little slapping/vocal accompaniment (Talk about people that can't really sing...”)

-The hippie dad talking proudly about the Milwaukee Braves...and then going something like, “They're no longer here, right”, only to hear an off camera voice going, “They left in 1965”. As an Atlanta Braves fan, it had me on the floor.

 -....and coming in at numero uno (drum roll): Steven's utterly unforgettable recant to an Idol hopeful, belting “Well, hellfire, save matches, f—k a duck, and see what hatches”.

Being a former member of mainstream media for 25 years, I can almost see the show editors replaying this over and over and over....”again and again and again and again” (like Livin' On The Edge, babe; there's a little plug for a greatest hits album for ya, Tyler man).

 Okay....time to mosey off my saddle and step into the confines of the Mother Church of Country Music: The legendaryan Auditorium, the original home of WSM-AM's Grand Ole Opry radio program until the mid-1970's when they moved uptown to Opryland which made way for the mammoth Opry Mills shopping complex a few years back.

Fortunately, the city had the fortitude, insight and a lick of sense to not destroy a piece of history that means so much more than havingthe title of national landmark slapped upon it: Acuff, Hank, Kitty, Loretta, Patsy, George, Conway, Strait, Wynonna and Naomi, Faith, Reba, Vince, Carrie....and the list of Opry members that have played here go on and on...and once a month, the stars of today come back downtown to recreate the atmosphere of days gone by.

Can you tell how much this place means to me...Honestly, you can feel spirits in the Ryman, and it's a must see for those of you who haven't traveled there, Pardon the tourism PR pitch, but true music lovers have to experience a concert there at least once in their lives,

 And it's in this building with its natural, near perfect acoustics that we begin searching for Volunteer State magic...But it doesn't happen right away with the kid from Birmingham whose falsetto scream had me fearing for those famed stained glass window behind the nosebleed seats. 

Fortunately, they survived...but poor little Christine McCaffrey, 27, West Palm Beach, didn't...In fact, she was a goner from the minute she opened the door with strange words coming out of her mouth that sounded like a cross between vocal warm ups and an Exorcist period Linda Blair on uppers. Beyond weird, and bless Randy for “not buying it”.

But as she took off, I was wondering if my ears had really gone downhill as she stated Steven gave her a yes. Coach, hand me a challenge flag and call for a replay!

Referee: 100 yard penalty for delusional behavior; penalty is declined, please leave.

Chelsea Oaks and Rob Bolin both 23-A former couple that opted to compete against one another, they're first asked by the judges to duet together. In return, they deliver great harmony on the classic Bee Gees top 20 smash, To Love Somebody. Jen and Steven are really impressed as am I. 

But this is not American Duet, and our still friends/roomies must solo...I prefer her to him, but honestly I thought they worked better together as a team...But I still think they deserved getting thru and perhaps they'll be dark horses in la-la land....if anything, it'll provide a nice will they/won't they get back together storyline....Ah, the Ross and Rachel of Idol....Just don't get the hairdo, Chelsea...or Jennifer Aniston won't leave you alone.

Segment 2

After some filler with some foxy southern girls that bring out the Wild Eyed Southern Boy in Steverino, it's time for our next serious (or seriously tattooed) Allen Lewis, a (whaddya know) tattoo artiste, clad from head to toe in art, leather, headband, da works. Announcing his intention to sing Lynyrd Skynyrd's AOR classic Simple Man, I'm mentally salivating with delight and anticipation...

….but, well?

Rod Serling Voice: Imagine if you will comedian Bobcat Goldwaith with a thick southern accent, a few feet taller and and drenched with tattoos...he wants to triumph...he wants to win...he wants to trade the hills of Tennessee for the hills of Hollywood. But a low grunt that makes a familiar Southern rock anthem sound like a potential bowel problem, proves no match for the judges that keep him from entering....The Idol Zone (cue classic bongo outro)....

Hey, at least he didn't pull off a redneck diva trip....Allen? You handled yourself like a southern gentleman, made us proud and come on back in 2012 and show us what you got then.

But I beseech you...No Sweet Home Alabama. If you butcher that one, it's Civil War II, I promise.

Stormi Henli, 19, Crossville TN-Cute little looker of a beauty queen, with a nice Kellie Pickler type voice, Jen thinks it's the smallest voice she's heard in the cities they've been to so far, but Rans and Steven are (throat clearing: “Under (her) spell again....”-La, la, la.....(Old Buck Owens song I'm quoting there, by the by). Anyway, I felt she did fine, but I think there may be a tiger in that seemingly slight voice box just waiting to come out...So don't count her out just yet...(and yeah, okay....you got me....the butterflies are flying and the harp is plucking).

Let's go to a break before I do an inappropriate rhyme on that last word, shall we?

SEGMENT 3

Adrienne Beasley, 22, Wickliffe, Kentucky, -An African American girl adopted by a white family (is that cool or what; my favorite story of the night). That aside, I think here voice is a little wave-y and pitchy, but the potential is there....and she's following in the tradition of Charley Pride, Darius Rucker and Al Downing, so I wish her a lot of luck...and what a thrill it must have been for a country music loving girl to sing in the mother church or country music.

Oh, almost forgot...I got a huge kick out of her Dad's reaction when she contacted him over her cell phone. Dad: Are we gonna have to pay for it?

DAY TWO: SEGMENT 4

Our second day in Twang Town starts off with Steven sounding confident about a winner coming from here... but it's certainly not gonna be Kameela Merricks who auditioned with Sweet Thing from Rufus; one of my fave soul songs from the 70's. But it's way, way, WAY too high in pitch...to the point that I can't even recognize it from Sunday afternoons spent with Casey Kasem and American Top 40 on the radio...J.Lo was spot on when she said it was a waste of their time...not to mention ours.

Jackie Wilson, 28, Nashville, doesn't appear to be in good shape pre-audition time More jittery than a six pack of Jolt Cola, she settled down and gave us a nice Dolly Parton type delivery/vibratothat sounded just perfect in the Ryman....and I was so happy to see her get through.. although I was creeped out by her kissing the old guy we all thought was her dad...

But I think Steven would approve right, kids?

Latoya, a cute little beauty queen with a pageant background, really had it going on with a killer blue gown, making her seem more than ready for a little quality time on a Donald Trump-Miss America runway.

Yep, it's talent competition time! Where are the baton twirlers, dancers with sheer fabric props and ventriloquists who sing I Wanna Be A Cowboy's Sweetheart? But I must digress.

Jennifer: “Somebody's ready for their close-up” (Ha-ha). Brilliant, Jen! Then Latoya plays hawker with her own little CD....Note, I said CD...Talk about cheap! Couldn't bring 3 more? The nerve! But after the obligatory small talk, she began.

And I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!. She was AWFUL with a capital A, and a capital W and (okay, you Broadway lovers know The Music Man kinda deal)...but no bait and switch to me, babe.. Nice try Idol producers..

Yet again, we had another contestant who gave us a delusional encore, as if it would turn the tide....Instead, Latoya came off as a bad actress trying to create a moment where a string quartet would swell in the background, the judges would think twice, and we'd have a (you're going to) Hollywood ending..

Randy: It's still a no.

Thank you, Rans. Movin' on.

Paul-Although he's part of a quickie montage, he elicits a Jamirqui kinda vibe in his tightly edited bit. Through!

Jimmie Allen, 25-Nice but too tightly edited bit on Sunday Morning, but enough of a sequence to say, well deserved ticket to Holywooooooood!

Danny Pate, 23-Nice vibe on Papa Was a Rolling Stone to the point that Jennifer leaps out of her chair with a cute cheerleader..and exposed part of those killer hips...Along with the rest of male America, I wished she would have jumped a little higher (insert exagerrated eye wink, here).

Matt Dillard, Cheatam County, 27, is introduced to us courtesy of a nice storyline with the background of his folks helping a ton of foster kids, a cause which he helps assist with. While it's not a bad audition, it's certainly not bad: Very small yes from Randy, a no from Jen who said he needed a better audition...and once again, Steverino's in the hot seat...and then, it's the nail biting cutaway to the lobby...

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

Man, his folks are gonna MISS him with all those young un's to look after...but if he makes the cut in Hollywood, it's gonna make for a heck of a cool viewing party back home.

SEGMENT 4

Lauren Alaina, 15, Rossville, GA, - Yep, by the end of every Idol audition gathering, we all know our last hopeful's gonna get through. Here comes the sentimental background music, Ryan's set up, etc.-But yet again another nice story, albeit without the emotional impact from Chris Medina's tale of the night previous.

Lauren's cousin inspired her to sing from her younger days onward, but as she got into her teenage years, all her hopes and dreams were halted when Holly got a brain tumor. But Lauren didn't stay in pause for long...she organized a fund raiser, followed by chemo, a recovery....and now it's back to the present to see if she cuts the mustard.

Verdict: Terrific. Lovely lilting cry to her voice, just the kind that makes country music...well, country music. It was so nice for the judges invited Holly in to see this magic moment. In the end, Randy praises her God given talent. Jen's dabbing her eyes, and after Steven says she's gonna make America cry, it's instant duet time with the rocker on I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing..and damn, if it's not impressive (and in front of Lauren's family to boot).

How about a remake, guys? I think it's even better than the original (with apologies to Joe, Brad, Joey, Tom and Diane...as in Warren who penned that multi-week number one classic).

Anyway, I was hoping they'd spent more time in my nearby neck of the woods...but if we had the likes of deluded dumbos on the cutting room floor, it's prolly a good thing we got the hell out of Dodge en route to “Bones” Country.

Next week (Don't mess with Austin) TX....Until then pistol packin' mamas and papas....and bookmark this here pages for the latest pop culture headlines, recaps of The Bachelor, Idol, upcoming award shows, and more.....

-J.R.