Rosado's Recaps: The Bachelor - The Cultute of Pop, DVD, Movie, TV, Pop Culture Review

Rosado's Recaps: The Bachelor

Posted: Tue, 8 Feb 2011 16:17:23 PST

Season 15,  Episode 6

After an alternately nifty and naughty week in the city of sin, you might think this episode would be a little bit more laid back in style and tone, thanks to the tropical surroundings of Costa Rica.

Nope, things are even more DRAMATIC than ever and hotter than lava emerging from the nearby volcano ...but a couple of moments proved telling as Brad had a second consecutive date with one girl, had second thoughts about another, and actually developed some serious backbone in dealing with one troublesome thorn in our sides.

Shortly after arriving at the resort everybody's gonna call home for a while, Brad wastes no time dropping off date card numero uno inviting lovely Chantal for another one on one, a mere week after she and Brad spent a day together which ended in a very romantic, warm tent. Michelle is not happy stating, “If he's more interested in Chantal, then I am not his girl.”

Then why don't you just leave, you twit? Too bad this brat doesn't have the guts to leave like Madison did a few weeks back. It's a waste of her time and ours as she goes back and forth, like whipping her hair (geez, why do you guys like that song? But that's for another column).

Ha, the wacky wicked side of my personality wishes Brad would've picked Michelle for the zip line one-on-one and cut the line, like I suggested during their skyscraper adventure a couple of episodes back...just like a twist in a Hitchcock movie!

Hey regular readers, I know I've used that line before, but get as much mileage of a visual gag before it runs out of gas...

Anyway, back to pseudo reality here...I admire Chantal for being so candid about her sole marriage; getting hitched too young leaving her with very little dating experience...But you wouldn't know it from the relaxed presence she exudes with Brad on their dayside part of their gathering. Although, I'm no body language expert, I see a very nice sense of chemistry between them, even more so than Emily's times with Brad.

One key indicator? When they do the usual “Bachelor comments on the day so far” tag before a commercial, Womack doesn't come off as a cue card/line fed guy on auto pilot; he sounds like he had a whale of a time with the fetching brunette...and it's not over yet.

Night descends and we find our prospective bride and groom pic-nickin' by the river. Chantal has never looked so sparkling during her “best day ever”..that is, until the rain starts falling..Again? Two weeks in a row? Hmm, makes me wonder if Chantal, Brad, or both of them are part Cherokee. If so, I gotta get them on my speed dial when these Alabama summers my fellow citizens and I have to suffer thru so these two can work their magic...they could be goodwill ambassadors to rain deprived states during the months of May thru September...talk about a good way to get additional income to go along with personal appearance fees and such.

Think it over, kids.

Being ever the gentlemen, Brad offers a soaked Chantal one of his white button up shirts to change into...and she looks amazing when she reappears...Not as good as my forever crush Jillian Harris did a couple of years ago when donning one, but pretty doggone close. Happily, they got talking about Vegas and the anxious moments they experienced there, which resulted in much needed restrictions being loosened resulting in a very sweet, sexy romantic kiss..and they both agreed experiencing this kind of feeling every night would be great. Brad would have been a fool to not give a rose to Chantal at the end of the evening.

It's more water based fun in the cards as day two of the Costa Rica confab commences with all the girls sans Alli and Chantal travel to a sparkling waterfall to rappel downward. Everybody's all a-giggles and smiles...except for our resident Debbie Downer (uh, huh) Michelle who complains about being wet and cold.

Honestly, is this the kind of girl you'd wanna spend the rest of your life with? Much less take home to Mother? But if it turns out that Michelle's just trying to create a demo reel for her acting career, I take it all back. Just a-sayin'.

Bless her heart, Jackie looks like she's gonna freak out...and it's so adorable....Emily also looks a little worried in cute damsel in distress fashion..But they both nail the downward descent just fine...Once more, everybody's having equal measures of fear and frolic. Except you know who (cue wacky comic trombone): Michelle, seething as Brad's forgotten his pact not to do anything daring with anyone else is doing. You can almost see steaming smoke coming out of the top of her head like Wiley Coyote in a Road Runner cartoon.

Oops, hope Brad doesn't have a pet rabbit at home..(cue wacky comic trombone)..But Brad quickly improvises when he realizes her feelings stating he was waiting to rappel with her as a duo: (Hand claps) Good answer, Brad! Good answer!

Evening time arrives and it's helmets off, bikinis on as everybody takes to the nearest hot spring for relaxation, conversation and a whole lotta smoochin'. Jackie gets her one-on-one time with Bradley so cutely wishing that she could have been in Michelle's shoes descending down the waterfall with him (awww). Then our resident villain comes in and plays the “everybody needs to go home” card.

You know, something tells me Michelle wouldn't be a very good network executive. If everybody else went “home”, we wouldn't have a show! ABC wouldn't take too kind to that. Geez, they're still having problems convincing the public to watch Off The Map.

Brad swims away for some appointment time with Emily who's still agonizing over her “sabotaging” personality that's cost her love in the past, stating she runs away from guys she likes. It's frustrating to hear because these two pair up together so well when emotional baggage disappears, but it's understandable that Brad's still uncomfortable given the predicament. Nobody wants to be led down the road of love to be left alone at a pivotal moment.

Brad looks ready to make a decision about who to hand out a pre-ceremony rose to, but once again, Michelle butts in giving Brad unnecessary patter about his day out with Chantal (“I don't see you with her”, etc.)-and for once, Mr. Womack shows some serious backbone laced with more than just a little piss and vinegar. Thanks to her ill-timed move, Brad calls everyone together to announce no rose giving tonight, just for the sake of doing so, adding he wants to give roses to someone he can see a future with.

Brilliant. I just wish all the other girls could be privy to how much Michelle is dissing them in private, sometimes not even by name but collectively under the title of “everyone”. But it won't be long, for as the old saying goes, the truth always comes out.

Day three of the ongoing ultimate mate search sojourn brings together a one-on-one adventure with Alli, who got a date card from Brad asking she meet him at the altar. Hmm. One should not expect such a sweet site of romantic destiny inside a dark, creepy, 1,000 year old cave where Bradley escorts her.

Things don't look promising for a day to remember as the bats and spiders make their presence known as Alli's screams reverberate throughout the darkness (thank God for the lighting guys along for the technical ride or things might have been even more frightening). But as they say, (natural) light at the end of the tunnel with a beautiful mist of rain greets our now much happier couple as Brad explains the origins of the altar. Eagerly anticipating dinner, Brad states he sees a lot of appealing qualities in Alli; the kinds he wants in a wife.

Only trouble is, I'm not seeing it from my end. Even some of the girls from the first night of this journey who departed on night one had more chemistry with him. But after the break....

Brad: We're in the most romantic place in the world...and we're making small talk.

BINGO!

Chantal further reinforces my opinions with her thoughts of Brad and Alli being more like a brother/sister deal in a group conversation back at home base, the rest of the girls agreeing in kind. In a bitter taste of irony, Alli talks to Brad about how her most recent relationship ended because she couldn't picture her steady at the end of the aisle...and it's clear from the look on his face that we can tell this is just exactly the same way Brad's feeling about her...

Voice quavering, Brad tells Alli he just doesn't see a future with her. Understandably, she breaks down ever so slightly, but sweetly admires him for his honesty. Thus, our first immediate exit of the season. As Brad escorts her away, he says he's not the right guy, and I so applaud him for saying that; that's class to me, right there.. Despite being told to leave so soon, she's not mad...and through her tears, Alli admits she had feelings for him...and that the next guy she dates has big shoes to fill..

Really broken up by what he had to do, Brad tries to decompress. But you can't do that when a girl like Michelle is around (trombone cue, please? Thank yewwww.)....and didn't y'all just like that bordering on cringing “just wanted to see ya”, line? I've been there. In the middle of what I think is gonna be a cool all night Partridge Family marathon on Nick At Nite, a girl I'm just not wild over calls and goes, “Just had to phone ya; tee-hee!”

Jeff: HELP!

Anyway, she goes all huggy girl on him, lip to lip invasion, followed by yet another hilarious dose of 1960's style tremolo-secret agent movie guitar on the soundtrack (hey, Mike Fleiss, give the composers some serious bonus money at the end of the season, won't you?) Pausing to think over her next course of action, she spots the rose that Brad didn't give to Alli, saying “Good decision”. In a welcome, sarcastic retort, Brad asks if there are any other decisions she can make for him.

Does she waste such an opportunity? Are you kidding? We're talking Moody Mad Michelle, here, people! In a fashion that looks like a cross between “this little piggy went to market” and a “Survivor” vote off strategy, she explains just exactly what she'd do in his shoes, adding she could dish a lot of dirt on the girls, but won't. All I can say is, what “dirt”? All these ladies look like Catholic schoolgirls compared to you, Michelle...and it doesn't take long before Brad goes from being cool about Michelle's comments upon her departure...to being rightly pissed.

Rose ceremony time comes 'round bringing along the usual lead-in cocktail gathering. Brad looks worn out...and Michelle's wondering WHY???? C'mon! Thankfully, he doesn't have to incur her wrath and neediness right away as he rushes to Emily, with whom he relaxes with in a cozy little hammock. Almost immediately, whatever stress he's feeling melts away in her presence as they both agree to ditch their insecurities and look toward the future to act upon their promising chemistry.

Meanwhile back in the living room, Chantal makes a bold and spot on remark about Michelle, stating that she's making it more of a competition than a search for true love. Amen, girl! (insert high five, here). Brilliant editing brings the case home yet again as we go back to that ever aggravating hair stylist (who's getting nowhere near my coif, I promise ya). Like a skipping record you have to take the needle off of, it's the same old song and dance..and Brad continues to show some serious backbone yet again, adding that she's taking 2 steps back in their relationship.

Ah, ha! You can almost see that steam coming out of her ears, as she's going “I want Brad! I want more children!!”--and I'm in front of the telly praying her head's gonna start jerking, spinning and BOOM!. Explode like one of the fembots in the Austin Powers movies....Wouldn't that be sooooo cool? And speaking of Michelle, did she really say what I thought she did (albeit bleeped out) when Brad took his shirt off at the pool?

In a welcome, complete 90 degree turn in the face of Michelle's antics, Shawntel's trying to get some information out of poor stressed again Brad, opting to play a little Silent Game with him, that resulted in the 2^nd sexiest moment of the show, giving Brad a nice, slow kiss with a nice little bit of tongue on her end.

My pick for the last woman standing gets her turn next as Chantal admits she loves him...and I don't doubt her sincerity for a moment, but I'm wondering if it's too soon to admit this. From personal experience, I can say I've made this regrettable mistake on a couple of occasions and paid for it dearly. Despite hindsight thoughts, I admire Chantal for throwing her heart out there along with her classy unselfishness, too....and even though Brad says he's cool with her feelings, I still think the opposite is true...for how many times have we seen Brad say one thing, and completely go in the other direction?

Remember Alli earlier in the evening? Go back to that section of this commentary for review.

Just before Chris arrives to announce the arrival of rose time, Michelle does something uncharacteristic for a change. She fesses up to gunning for Brad (like we don't already know that), adding she made a solo beeline for his room last eve...and all the girls show little emotion, but inside? I'm thinking this means war and every bachelorette for herself. Then, it's rose giving time...and unlike previous weeks when I've just stated the lucky ladies, I'm gonna add some commentary alongside each name, since we're getting into the nitty gritty of this love search...

Chantal-Unless you have short term memory, she's safe being the beneficiary of the week's sole advance rose...and as of now? She's my pick to win it all.

Ashley-Still wish our other Ashley was still around. But unless she makes a serious play for Brad's heart next week, I think her days are numbered.

Emily-No surprise..Would any red blooded American man deprive themselves of those eyes, that hair, that smile, that voice? Unless her so called “sabotage” routine takes her out of the running in the next two weeks, I'm still thinking Final Two status.

Britt- Ah, the dark horse in spite of hardly any screen time this week; there must have been some serious interaction between these two we haven't seen, but I think next week will be her final go round unless she brings out her A game on the beaches of Anguilla.

Shawntel-The quiet game and the kiss worked...take note, ladies...and I've been digging her more and more every week. Shoo-in for the Final Four.

Michelle-Captured the last rose of the night. I quote Jack Bauer from 24....DAMMIT!!! Unless the producers decide she's worth sacrificing, she'll be around for the Top Three easily.

Jackie-Bless her heart; she smiled so sweetly. Haven't we all grown so fond of her? You could have kept her around for another week, Brad...if you'd been the executive producer, that is...Although disappointed, she handled her departure like a true lady and I've no doubt she's found another guy already with that ingratiating personality.

So! Another week in the books with Anguilla next on the travel plans promising the sexiest episode of the season just six days away...Can't wait to see Chantal in that knitted two piece, let me tell you...Until then, hit me back with an e-mail at our “contact” link above with your thoughts and opinions on this recap or any other element of the site you like...or even if you don't. I can take a little constructive criticism...

Except from you, Michelle (cue comic relief trombone). G'night, folks!

-J.R.

Jeffrey Rosado is a writer, pop culture historian, performer and all around nice guy...unless you're a needy girl with issues who drops by only to say “just wanted to see ya!”.....

Follow Jeff on Twitter: marquee_man

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