Rosado's Recaps: The Bachelor - The Cultute of Pop, DVD, Movie, TV, Pop Culture Review

Rosado's Recaps: The Bachelor

Posted: Sat, 26 Feb 2011 6:20:20 PST

2-21-11

“Home is where the heart is....and my heart...is anywhere you are...” -Elvis Presley

Okay, this is a little late by my usual posting standards, but here I be Bachelor peeps.

For starters, we're at the part of this pseudo dating process that I love...and this is one of the theme episodes I look forward to every season that I watch....for if you can't connect or get a chemistry groove with the potential in-laws and no telling how many other family members waiting in the wings, God help ya during the holidays and crisis times....

Can y'all shoot me an amen up my pulpit, brothers and sisters? I'll be passing the collection plate around later too, so you know.

Things kicked of in the land of Crane and Cobain; good old Seattle, hometown to my fave of the quartet being showcased Monday eve; Chantal O. Rocking a pretty scarf and oh, so, so happy to see Brad, I'm surprised she didn't give him a slap in the face for old times sake. Not since my beloved Jillian Harris have I been so charmed by a contestant on this show (don't be jealous, Jilly), and it would not surprise me in the least if Chantal pursues, or gets offered some kind of TV hosting deal after this ordeal is over...So comfortable on camera, so down to earth....

Have I kissed her tushy enough, yet? But I'm a sincere tushy kisser, okay? And I like to cuddle. Most guys sleepwalk thru cuddling and take it as a nap opportunity....So you know, ladies...

Now, let me tell you guys something wildly coincidental. Not only does Chantal live very close to her parents just like I did until they passed away, but one of her dogs is named Boca which is the exact same name (and exact same spelling) of a street I used to live on...Why did I just say that? Well, this is my version of “filler”, which we had a LOT of at times, tonight...so let's move on.

As Brad gets cozy with Chantal and Boca in Miss O's snazzy pad, he also meets Jinxy, her cat which prompts the first of two “I can't believe I'm hearing this” moments tonight from Brad, the first being, “He doesn't seem excited to see me”.

Time out, Womack...that's because save for yarn or the shine of a laser light pen, cats NEVER get excited, okay? I get the feeling our feline is sensing Brad's about to really go off the deep end in weeks ahead...We'll see. Still, this prospective bride and groom had a good relaxed chemistry going on over a couple of beers, nice conversation about lofts, apartments, houses, etc.-and a little cuddling to go along.

Then, Brad started playing the first of three rounds of the home game version of Meet The Parents, entering into the grand halls of Chantal's folks...and the minute I saw the interiors, I got Jim Belushi and the Takin' Care of Business movie on my brain (“I'm on Dynasty!”). Wow...I need a floor plan of these digs in case Publisher's Clearing House comes a-callin' (yeah, right).

Mom and Pops O'Brien are very charmingly slick to me, and upon closer look at Mom, I panicked because, good golly miss molly, she's equally hot; it's like a Benjamin/Mrs. Robinson/Graduate moment in a parallel universe. Please don't kill me, Mr. O'Brien...(and folks, I AM kidding...like Billy Joel used to say during his slimmer days when on the verge of doing a death defying jump from his piano in concert, only to gently hop off: “I may be crazy...but I'm not stupid...”)

Things were a little bit more sedate with Brad and Pops...although Brad seemed tentative at first, the revelation that Mr. O'Brien was into masonry struck a chord with Womack, since he dabbled with brick building. But the two really bonded via absentee fathers, a bittersweet irony to be sure, yet it's another ace in Brad's hole. In response to Pops saying his big girl was ready to settle down once more, Brad assures him (and Mom) that his intentions are true...unless the US cover story turns out to be true (actually Brad didn't say the last part of the latter; that was me).

Next stop on Brad's Rock Of Love tour (tsk, tsk, tsk), Madawaska, Maine as Philly girl Ashley comes home happier than a family of clams, immediately taking him back to her teenage roots to a local restaurant where she earned spending money. Since this slice of Maine borders Canada, we have bilingual help at this eatery, which in turns leads to a laugh out loud moment as Brad answers a waitress' question with “si” which as many of you know, is Spanish for yes, which Brad begrudgingly admits on camera (and I loved it).

Now, I gotta tell you guys this: In the seasons of The Bachelor/Bachelorette that I've seen, Ashley's clan is the sweetest, most down to earth group of people that's been brought to our living rooms.

Blue collar, cozy, everybody gathering around the couch like they've known each other their whole lives... It's wonderful...and I swear Ashley looks like she's gonna do a cheerleader split; she's THAT EXCITED! Even Brad looks genuinely happy as he recalls how he caught her as she leaped in his arms after exiting the limo the first time they met.

Only down side? Talk about making an eventual tougher decision even tougher, despite a nice rapport between the O'Brien family and Brad earlier. But truth be told, there was a slight lack of closeness and emotional depth at their place in comparison to Ashley's brood. Not a slam in the slightest, but like I stated earlier, the warmth of a family and how you blend in is such an important aspect of any relationship, and I'm feeling such a glow from this marvelous family to the point that if Brad does choose Chantal, Emily or Shawntel at the end, I'd love to help console Ashley...if I could get a chance to hang out with the folks. However, I better not count my chickens too soon, because this terrific visit might just be Ashley's ace in the whole, considering how much he likes small town life....and as Brad departs, she feels the day has been a “stepping stone” in their relationship.

Stop Three: Chico, CA-The buzz around the web is that Shawntel's family bought air time from ABC to present an ad for their funeral home...but that's not the case; the Bachelor producers evidently couldn't resist to showcase this unintentionally funny spot followed a musical quote from Johann Sebastian Bach's classical classic Toccata and Fugue in D Minor...

Yep, it's Corpse Embalming 101 time at the University of Shawntel as Brad gamely looks at the crematorium (which gives me Bill Murray/Scrooged flashbacks) followed by lying down on the prep table...and although it's initially creepy, I find myself fascinated by this process. Very unusual because death is not a fun thing to me along with funerals...but Shawntel's approach is so comforting and intelligent. Alas, poor Brad doesn't really see it that way and it really makes me feel for this poor, sweet girl, who's no doubt had former boyfriends equally freaked out by her gig.

But hey, maybe the family portion of this hometown date will turn the trick, right?

Nope.

For starters, Shawntel is the whiz kid of the family, with smarts you don't usually find in a 25 year old funeral home worker, to the point that her father sees his big girl taking over the family business that he's lorded over for four decades. Additionally, he doesn't seem too thrilled with this u-turn of events that possibly involves her moving to Austin to free lance at multiple funeral homes should Brad pick her in the end.

In the end, Pops gives his blessing to the both of them adding, “If it's meant to be”. However, a telling moment occurs as Brad departs...despite the love Shawntel's feeling for Brad, he kind of hesitates going in for some lip...and during the broadcast, I'm going “Kiss her, you fool”!...but in looking over my notes for this final draft, I put myself in Brad's shoes and thought, hmmm, he's (here comes the newest cliché of the decade) just not that into her...

Last stop: Charlotte, North Carolina, one of my fave cities in the world (but I'm biased being southern born, southern bred)...and as the cameras follow Emily, we see a sight anticipated for weeks...especially for the women at the center of our attention as Miss Maynard reunites with her instantly adorable daughter, Ricki. Call me gullible or sentimental but I don't think Emily's faking, recreating, or showboating for the cameras. This has got to be a genuine real life moment that just happens to have a plethora of cameras and tech workers around..

No wonder our newest little reality TV star is so scared; talk about heavy for a four year old kid.

Not surprisingly, Ricki doesn't warm up to Brad much at all, mainly because I think he's trying too hard and speaking too loudly, in my opinion. Good thing he came with a gift in the form of a butterfly kite, which slowly but surely melts Ricki's wall of shyness...and it's a good thing because Emily says if they didn't, the relationship wouldn't work.

Brad's luck continues at Emily's place as he joins in board game time with Ricki, with the both of them continuing to grow more at ease with one another. But bedtime arrives for our 4 year old cutie as Mommy helps her into bed with the usual good night routine. Emily asks Brad if he wants to come up and help, but incredibly said, no...

If it were me...(cue harp music as Jeffrey fantasizes)....

Emily: Jeffrey, do you wanna come upstairs?

Jeffrey: WOULD I? (insert laugh track here as Jeff races up the staircase and out of sight)

(Cue harp music as our recap resumes)...

Descending down the stairs looking so beautiful is a widowed mom genuinely happy to have the company of a man in her living room for the first time in a long, long while. What man could have resisted such a chance for gentlemanly intimacy, the presence of an angelic, kind, caring, nurturing Southern lady inches away from your grip?

Amazingly, Brad doesn't offering a lamer than lame excuse that Ricki might come down and see them..Yeah, that might be a problem if the two of you strip down to your birthday suits and howl like horny monkeys in Emily's bedroom...But Brad, my man...we're talking high school romance on a couch type lovin' here, dude (with perhaps a pinch of heavy petting) Come on! This poor lady's prolly been longing for some affection and attention, and you do this?

Can you say the word “No” as the answer to “Will you accept this rose?” For I can just see Emily being really upset by this stunning semi-rejection to walk away and take her chances on E-Harmony.

But always a lady, Emily eventually understands and graciously accepts Brad's state of mind, albeit not without a little displeasure. “I'm just a weird guy,” he says...I'm kinda getting to believe that, Womack..

If that weren't enough, Brad gives us the malapropism laced line of the year by saying to Emily, “I don't wanna leave weird”.

As God as my witness, that one put me on the floor. But I'm up quickly as Brad incredibly goes from worst to first as he FINALLY gives her Emily a passionate kiss at the doorway that makes makes both parties really happy...not to mention those of us playing voyeur at home...

Following the usual combo Let's Give Chris Harrison some pre-rose ceremony exercise/flashback sequence that makes everybody look like a vaseline lens filled Cybill Shepherd/Moonlighting era close-up), it was time for one of these really great girls to get de-flowered you might say...

Staying on:

Ashley-No brainer because of the great chemistry with her family

Emily-Honestly, I'm kinda surprised.in light of the awkwardness at her house.

At this point, I'm fearful for Shawntel despite the fact that if things were different? I would've had her in my top two without question along with her alternate first name spelled differently buddy Chantal...and in the end, Shawntel wouldn't have this kind of scenario, for Brad chose Chantal...

In a moment that's equally sweet and painful to watch, all of the remaining girls encircle Shawntel giving her hugs, kisses and sincere best wishes...and if that's not a testament to her character, I don't know what it is....Brad bravely asks moment alone with her to explain his feelings and why he didn't see a future with her. Despite his honesty and gentlemanly escorting to the limo that took her out of his life forever, Shawntel sheds quiet tears adding “I didn't see it coming...(I've) never been treated this way”.

Back at the site of the rose ceremony, Ashley voices the line of the night recalling Shawntel's departure: “It's so scary..because that's gonna be one of us next week”....

On a brighter note, next stop: South Africa...Cue Robert Redford and Meryl Streep...I wonder if they ever did the fantasy suite deal on location?

Until next time, Bachelor brethren....

-J.R.