Rosado's Recaps: The Bachelor - The Cultute of Pop, DVD, Movie, TV, Pop Culture Review

Rosado's Recaps: The Bachelor

Posted: Tue, 15 Mar 2011 2:33:48 PDT

SEASON 15: The Finale

Lord have mercy...is this the end of another Bachelor journey? Seems like just yesterday I was starting to get over 'dem Christmas blues...and sorting thru 10,000 bowl games with ludicrous sponsorships...I look for the Tidy Bowl to be announced at any minute....Cereal Bowl, anyone?

Don't laugh...Corporate America can make anything work...even the Charlie Sheen Bowl...the teams wouldn't need to even bring their gear for such a happening. They can just see who can shout WINNING (!) the loudest over three and a half hours and give throat specialists a real shot in their practices in the wake.

So, you ready to relive last night with me? As Jim Morrison would bellow, let's roll Bachelor babies, roll!

For starters, Brad opens up with that increasingly monotonic, overly “line” delivering generic stud voice tone that has been driving me crazy as of late; kind of like a male Larraine Newman from the salad days of SNL when she played reporter..and that's exactly what Brad's sounding like at the very top (“I'm standing here in Cape Town”, etc.).

Ugh.

However my aggravation is short lived as he pounds the railing on the balcony of his suite (at first, it looks like his pulling a Jake, as in Pavelka which REALLY startles me at first, but then it's a look of happiness as his family arrives from Austin, Texas...and it reveals a side of Brad we've never seen..and he looks beyond genuine, shedding tears, needing a few moments of times to compose himself...

...or get with the script doctors...(okay, okay, I'll behave...the hearts of two women are at stake here...

Now, this is the Brad I've been wanting to see for weeks; so reminiscent of my late big brother who too, had a problem expressing emotions in his younger days, but thanks to a wonderful family of his own and devotion to his younger brothers (including me), he developed into such a sensitive kind soul...and Brad seems to possess those same qualities...and maybe having a family of his own will open him up even more.

Brad's Mom feels Chantal and her son are of the same cloth, getting into this process for the right reasons, and I was so happy to hear Chantal say the best times are when they're having fun, which is one of the qualities I love about her, she's a big kid at heart.

But in the midst of their conversation with the family earlier, I couldn't help but notice Brad squirming a bit as Chantal got really chatty. No body language expert typing here, but there was just something uncomfortable about his demeanor.

Foreboding? Foreshadowing as they do in those film noir movies? We'll see....

Brief “The Association” Musical Parody: “Then along comes Emily, eee. Bringing along some lovely swag or loot meeting Brad's family, kissin' some a**”......

Okay, silly mode off...gotta get serious, again...as Emily has to relive the horror story of her late love Ricky for Brad's family, who are emotionally touched, just as we all were several weeks back. Despite their slight misgivings at her not being like the instantly ingratiating Chantal, Emily's laid back Southern charm wins them over smoother than butter on a hot Cracker Barrel biscuit..

 Care to buy some ad time, Cracker folk? Orders to go also acceptable!

Speaking of winning (Charlie Sheen, I'm gonna kill you for hopefully temporarily ruining that word for us all), Em's visit gives Brad a chance to relive with his brothers the experience of meeting little Ricki for the first time, which really brings out the excitement of him wanting to play step dad to her.

Emily meanwhile is really hitting it off with Brad's mom, speaking naturally, from the bottom of her heart about how she feels about him, saying he's her angel...and Mom, bless her heart, has that I'm (potentially) losing one of my babies “wedding bells, wedding bells” look on her face with tears a-flowin'.

Hey, I was a Mama's boy for 47 years...I know these things (sniffle)...

Interesting conversation follows with the family after Em's departure...Does Bradley want a fun loving girl or a girl who's got family roots already and ready for a father figure for her daughter? Mama Womack thinks Emily is “kind of the whole package” and that she “sees the woman he's about to marry”.

So, ABC? Can we wrap this in an hour less instead and bring on an all new Castle after all?

Perhaps not.

Next, Brad and Chantal go on a date more suited for the National Geographic Channel or Animal Planet...Getting inside a shark cage to watch/be courageous with blood loving JAWS brethren (cue John Williams music, which I advise you to never listen to in a bathtub). But what made this seg for me? That sexy wet suit Chantal dons showcasing her...um....EYES!....What marvelous bosoms, I mean, seas into her soul, when they look at you, they make you stand erect, er, have such an effect.

Lunch break, please? (Insert studio audience laughter here...)

After drying off, it's casual date night time at Chantal's pad, highlighted by an oh, so sweet gesture (and I'm being serious instead of silly, here) in the form of an impressive map covered drawing. Upon it, was a sweet from the heart poem she composed...and being the artsy type, I just sighed.

Chantal's got such a great blend of fun, heart and creativity that makes me wonder what in the world was her husband thinking when he divorced her? I'd hold on tight to a woman like this for the duration, especially one that hasn't forgotten how to write notes of love and kindness in this increasingly technological beast of a society that continues to emerge quicker than an iPad upgrade. 

Am I hitting on her from long distance? Kinda'. Beats the hell out of E-Harmony (which I'd like my money back from a broken heart I suffered on the eve of Valentine's Day (I kid you NOT!) in Tampa, Florida please...I'll save that tale for my autobiography..for it's way emotional, and we have enough tears coming up).

Next up, it's Emily's turn to make that final impression....(game show voice) for the win!!! Helicoptering to scenic ocean area to do some talking, there's a sweet little lovey dovey nose to nose moment, here....and the mutual look of love in their eyes makes me think, oh no....

The body language I mentioned earlier? The sharks? And now the above?

Don't think things are in Chantal's corner...Unless she's got a boy on stand-by at home (Oh Lord, no)...

But...if she doesn't...this could be my big chance! (Jeff jumps Tom Cruise style on the couch! But he's much cuter...and more importantly, SANE! DUH! (REALLY) WINNING!!!)

Later, it's comfy on the cuddly couch time for Brad and Em, but instead of going ga-ga over her, and whispering sweet nothings in her ear, he goes for the Premature Father Of The Year Award...at first, it's endearing to Emily, and then, she gives him a justly, and well stated reality check saying it's not all that it's cracked up to be...saying that “a year from now...I didn't know this was part of the deal” (emergency room scares,etc)..

..and it really makes me upset when Brad says he's getting mad...because even though I'm an uncle, I've seen my two nieces and nephew face several hard challenges with their children (premature birth tragedy averted at the last minute, illness, divorce, single motherhood) to such a point, it's been like a master class in knowing what to expect as a father..and it's no picnic.

But I so admire Emily's honesty, because she really, really has to be a good mama, here...and if you're reading, Em (and you must have so many better things to do, but God bless you if you are checkin' in), what a wonderful trait to have in an era of newborns being deposited in garbage cans near hospitals, kids left in hot cars in the middle of scorching summers, and abandoned kids left for hours unsupervised while the parents go out clubbing, drugging, etc.

My hat's off to you, m'aam. 

Brad, shame on you for walking away and not talking it out...unless, you do have a brain and think this over.

Next, the obligatory picking the ring, narration about he's feeling, the obligatory montages from the girls getting ready with companion sound bites and cutaways...

Come on, come on!

Then, it's finally High Noon, Bachelor style as Chris prepares to play Southern gentleman as he has for nearly 10 years, escorting the girl who's about to get the wind knocked out of her soul...in front of roughly 22 million viewers watching at home.

Bless her heart, it's Lady O......as in Chantal...

….and Brad...well, I still think he's an idiot when giving her the bad, bad news....and you know what, I think the way he's just yammering, she already knows, man...she knows...he's got “stronger feelings” for Emily...and Chantal's just devastated....and not “okay” as Brad asks? He claims everything has been “very real”...and he keeps yammering, drying her eyes.

In light of what happened between Brad and Emily on their last date? I think he's making a huge, huge, mistake...but at least Chantal and Brad display class when walking out together, despite the fact he keeps asking if she wants to say something, which makes me know, just know, that he's still second guessing himself, even though Emily's gonna be the chosen one...for now.

Once inside the limo, Chantal doesn't need the cue to resume crying...and she's stunned and hurt to such an extent, that all she can do is weep, sigh, and moan from the depths of her sweet heart and kind soul.. and I'm not ashamed to say I had a lumpy throat and watering eyes, myself

Chantal, if you're reading this silly blog, I want you to know you are in no way “stupid” at all...and that any man will be lucky to have a vibrant, exceedingly sweet, funny and romantic lady like you in his life...and at this time, I think I can reveal that you indeed do (if rumours are true) have a special someone healing your wounded heart.

In a different world, another time, another place (Jeff laughs at the well worn cliches), this romantic blogger wonders if he might be the blesssed lucky one so fortunate..and I can honestly say I'm gonna so miss seeing your smiling face of wonderment on my television...and I think I speak for a lot of men...and women who equally adore you.

Please keep in touch with us, Chantal via Twitter, Facebook, your own web page or future ventures of your own, because this 25 year old media vet typing here thinks you have more than the right stuff to be a successful on-camera personality, too...and if you need some advice from a regular Joe/broadcasting professional who won't kiss your butt, you hit me back, you hear?

<Hugs>

Now...isn't it always anti-climatic to watch the final rose when your team doesn't make it? This is one of those nights....I mean, I adore Emily to death and I would love to spend time hanging out with her and playing with that adorable kid, but I'm not attracted to her..Not that she's not beautiful...I just love her hair, fashion flair, she's a fellow Southerner and she's beyond a charmer..But Chantal's more my kinda' girl The antithesis of what Brad felt, you know?

I still think he's nuts.

So, proposal time...and Em's such a sweetie, being encouraging and all... Brad says he's taking “a leap of faith” and wanting to be with her for the rest of his life...and although I hear they had to do this proposal deal about four times for the cameras, it is still very sweet and romantic as I type here...So maybe this is a good fit...they seem so genuine and real...

Only time will tell, but for now, let's see how America's new sweethearts are a-doin' in my grand finale Bachelor column of the season as I recap/analyze After The Final Rose...

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